their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
