I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
