mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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