You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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