woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
