Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
