I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
