i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
