Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize