Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
