i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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