does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
True college students do jello shots in the library
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
