You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
