Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
