Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
