Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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