dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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