I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
