call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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