i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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