do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
