He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Randomize
