I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
