I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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