Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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