If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Your dad touched me again.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Randomize
