Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
A bitchslap is in order.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
