I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
