Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize