On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I am midnight drunk by noon
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
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