She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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