Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
