I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize