The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
