Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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