My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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