Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
