if only i could text you this smell
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
