i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
