the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize