I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
