i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize