When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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