We named our party play list daddy issues
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
