I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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