btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
