Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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