I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
