I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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