JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
