Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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