Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
