Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
