i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
