The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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