Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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