Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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