THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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