smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
