1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
