Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
