You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
