What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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