My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
