I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
