I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize