I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
