My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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