i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
